I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
