last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
