I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
