i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Randomize
