So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
