Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
