Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
