I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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