i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
