I love black thongs
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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