I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
