i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
