my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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