Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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