she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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