Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
