I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
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Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
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The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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