Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
