dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
