I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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