If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Please don't give away my fajitas
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