Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
