We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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