I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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