Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I did not marry a roomba.
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