Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
