Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
