I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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