Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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