Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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