I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
