I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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