I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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