sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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