i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
