New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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