I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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