Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
pray to the hookup gods
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
