wrigley field is MILF paradise
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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