Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
