It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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