my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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