So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize