Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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