Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
