i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She's just so happy...and so naked.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
