I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
