I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
