dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
