I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
