I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
