The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
