Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
