happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My balls are so social today.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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