White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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