i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
