that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
