Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
