People with herpes should wear stickers.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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