Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
