I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize