Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
