You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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