I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
