Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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